Why Self-Esteem Matter

Self-esteem can be defined as your attitude toward yourself. It is a combination of self-confidence and self-respect according to Nathaniel Branden, author of How to Raise Your Self-Esteem. Your self-esteem affects your decisions and behavior.

People with low self-esteem place more value on other people’s opinions than on their own judgement. If you are afraid that others will laugh at you or reject you if you let them see the real you, then you are living with the belief that other people know better what is good for you than you do. In reality, only you know what’s best for you. When you step being afraid of abandonment and stop seeking other people’s approval, it will get easier for you to trust your own opinions and intuition.

How To Raise Your Self-Esteem – Whenever you hear yourself thinking negative thoughts about yourself, such as I’m not good enough, stop and ask yourself where that thought oringinated. You might discover an old wound that needs healing or you might realize that it’s just habit thinking, not the truth. Pull such thoughts from your inner dialog the way you would pull weeds from a garden. Nurture only positive thoughts that heal your lack of self-esteem.

Self-Acceptance And Self-Esteem – In the process of developing a self-image, we develop feelings about who we think we are and tend to look for information of these feelings from other people. That confirmation, when we get it, makes us feel that we are entitled to have our image of ourselves.

Who we think we are is confirmed or denied by the responses others make to our communication with them. Unless we get clear and supportive messages, we are not likely to have effective communication experiences. Early in our lives we learn how to give each other many different kinds of responses, and we should recognize that what we do to each other has an effect on our feelings of worth, our self-esteem, and also on how well we can get the job done, because without some internal support for our activities, the outside work we do will not get done.

Self-esteem is that feeling which we get when what we do matches our self-image and when that particular image approximates an idealized version of what we wish we were like.

For example, you might see yourself as an “outdoor type” (self-image). You may imagine yourself as a successful forestry engineer (idealized self-image). You may go and register in a forestry school (action). That action matches your self-image and your idealized self-image. If you are accepted in the school and subsequently earn high grades, you are confirmed by others (peers and professors), and this confirmation will validate your feelings of self-worth and your self-esteem.

Maintenance of self-esteem is complex. Many times our attempts at maintaining positive feelings about ourselves are successful. Yet some of our attempts are sometimes self-defeating.

We sometimes try to hide parts of ourselves from others, fearing that if they knew these parts of ourselves, they might reject us. In his excellent book Why Am I Afraid to Tell You Who I Am? John Powell relates a poignant and real answer to the question: “I am afraid to tell you who I am because if I tell you who I am, you may not like who I am, and it’s all I have.”

We hide parts of ourselves, for example, when we cover up feelings. We store up anger or frustration and keep a cool facade. Half the time we don’t really deceive others because our nonverbal behavior give us away. But when we succeed in hiding, we tend to “gunnysack,” that is, to collect angry feelings inside us (generally in the stomach-a sure way to get ulcers) until the time when a trivial incident will “make us” explode-the straw that breaks the camel’s back.

Sometimes we try to put on certain masks to appear something we are not. We give off false cues to the people around us and erect walls of intended impressions. The more we pretend to be what we are not, the more we tend to lose touch with the real world and our own reality. What others think of you is none of your business. Your only obligation for yourself in any lifetime is to be true to yourself. As the ancient philosopher Aristotle once said: “Care more for the truth than for what people think.”

Trust

Trust is the basis for all successful relationships, for that matter. You cannot buy trust, but it’s free. Trust is priceless yet can be earned over time.

Have you ever tried to request someone’s trust? Maybe it was a colleague, customer, friend, or a relative. You may have wanted a decision to be made in your favor.

To overcome some initial disagreement and expedite the decision making process, you might resort to “Just trust me!” That statement is worthless. Either the other party already trusted you based on your past actions or they did not trust you and your request won’t change that. Trust is not spoken, it is demonstrated. Trust cannot be requested, it must be earned.

Trusting Others – Whereas a “defensive climate” seriously impairs the effectiveness of interpersonal communication and generally affects how satisfying a relationship may be, a “trusting climate” has opposite effects. Some degree of trust is an essential ingredient for satisfying relationships to grow and develop.

*defensive climate

The behaviors in defensive climates creates an environment where communication is threatening. Behaviors in supportive climates create spaces where trust can develop. In a defensive climate, gestures intended to be calming and productive are likely to be perceived as strategic and superior.

*trusting climate

Here are some key strategies and tactics for creating a climate of trust. Be the first to trust. When you are willing to trust, people are more open to the idea … Communication is critical in building relationships, based on trust.

What is Trust? A word we all use, trust should be easy to define. We should have a clear idea of what we mean. Yet try for a moment to define what you have in mind when you use the word. It is difficult, isn’t it? What does it feel like to trust and be trusted? When do you behave in a trusting way? How can you tell whether someone is trustworthy? What does one do when one is trustworthy?

All these questions are hard to answer. One of the first researchers to study trust phenomena empirically. Morton Deutsch developed a definition of trust which included these elements: reliance on the communication behavior of another person to achieve a desired but uncertain objective in a risky situation. The following summary come’s from Kim Giffin’s digest of Deutsch’s description of what happens when you trust someone.

1. You predict, expect, or rely on a particular behavior in that person.

2. You take a risk. The expected behavior can lead to positive or to unpleasant consequences for you, and whether the consequences are positive or harmful is uncertain and depends on the other person.

3. You expect to suffer more if the consequences are harmful than you will gain if they are pleasant.

4. You feel reasonably confident that the person’s behavior will result in positive consequences for you.

So if you trust someone, you predict how this person will behave, you are reasonably sure his or her behavior will help and not hurt you, and you stand to lose more if you predict wrong than you would gain if you guess right.

Still another way to define trust in interpersonal relationships is to say that when we trust someone, we believe that person is really the way he or she appears to be.

Developing Trust – Developing trust is a two-fold problem. It involves (1) trusting others and (2) being trusted by others. Having one-side trust is like trying to clap one hand. Both sides are needed in a trust relationship to develop a trusting climate. Development of trust in an interpersonal relationship is facilitated when several elements are present.

One thing needed is our belief in how much the person knows about the topic being discussed, the kind of information held, the ability to make decisions about data, validity of judgment about seeking out new data, reliability to report data accurately and honestly, and the degree to which the person is involved, active, dynamic, or excited about the information known.

Another thing needed is a clear set of behaviors from which to judge. We should not only trust each other if we behave toward each other in a nondefensive, nonevaluative, open, warm, genuine, supportive way, we also must give each other clear signals about what we are doing. We tend to trust those people whose actions can be seen clearly and unambiguously and who behave toward us in a way which poses no threat to our own self-esteem.

In addition, trust is based on a history of our interactions with others and our ability to detect trustworthy behaviors. It is a complicated process of checking present behaviors with our past experiences with similar behaviors. In such checking we tend to rely on nonverbal systems (Gestures, Facial Expressions and Body Movements) more than on verbal systems if there is a conflict. In other words, when the words don’t match the deeds, we tend to put more trust in the deeds. We put more faith in what we see people do to us than we do in what they tell us about themselves and what they are doing.

Morton Deutsch’s classic studies on competition and cooperation made clear to us that many interpersonal situations–such as buyer-seller, husband-wife, driver-pedestrian–cannot survive as rational behavior unless mutual trust exists.

Finally, here’s the nonverbal communication – the sounds of silence (nonverbal systems) as mentioned earlier in which I just have to put a couple of it… Gestures, Facial expressions and body movements.

Gestures – offer another variety of expressions we can use on one another. Gestures were probably one of the first means of communicating human beings developed, long before oral language appeared. All cultures have a system of meaningful gestures which either accompany spoken language or stand alone in conveying a particular message. We nod our heads to say “yes” and shake our heads sideways to say “no.” We extend our hand to shake someone else’s as a greeting and not as a hostile gestures.

Gestures such as tapping our fingers or our foot can communicate impatience, boredom, or nervousness. Our face has innumerable ways of expressing likes and dislikes, approval and disapproval.

We usually accompany our speech with considerable number of hand gestures. If you’ve ever tried to give directions to someone over the telephone, you probably have caught yourself uselessly waving a hand in the air. Some cultures are known to be more expressive with the hands than others. Sometimes certain gestures become automatic. Gestures are often used to give emphasis to our words. Sometimes, if a person’s timing is bad, when the emphasis occurs on the wrong word, we get the impression that he/she may not be sincere.

Facial Expressions and Body Movements – are also part of the communication we exchange with others. We are seldom immobile or expressionless. Our face moves and our body moves, and these movements communicate a great deal about our feelings, emotions, reactions, etc. Some of the time these movements are conscious and intentional, as when we deliberately smile at a friend, frown to express dissatisfaction, or raise an eyebrow to show surprise. Much of the time, however, these movements are so much a part of us they appear unintentional and unconscious. When we attempt to hide a feeling, we often give ourselves away without realizing it, the way we move forward or away from a person, the way we sit–tense, relaxed, on the edge of the chair, slouched, etc. We tend to lean forward when we feel involved and interested, and to lean back when we are not. The way we walk often indicates to others if we feel good, happy, cheerful or sad, gloomy, tired, or dejected. We indicate our perception of status by our postures. We tend to relax around people of equal or lower status and tense up around people whom we perceive as having higher status. We sometimes feel that someone is disrespectful simply because he talks in a more relaxed manner than we think is appropriate.

How we look at a person communicates a great deal. Whether our looks stay on a person too long or too little will also communicate something. In this regard we have unconsciously developed a whole system of the rules that we apply to our interpersonal communication. One of the rules says that when we talk to someone we must look at them, and they must look at us, preferably in the eyes or in the face. We usually feel uncomfortable when our listeners look everywhere in the room but at us. Someone who look out the window, at the ceiling, or concentrate on what is happening in the back room irritate lecturers because he/she violate the rule. We do not like, or trust, people who speak to us without looking at us. Shifty eyes appear to mean insincerity.

Reliability of Nonverbal Messages

Nonverbal messages are usually more reliable than verbal messages. In some interpersonal situations, the content of a message does not fit the affective information about that message. The man says, “I love you,” but somehow his tone of voice and other nonverbal signals he sends deny the very words he just spoke. He says one thing at the content level, but the opposite thing gets communicated nonverbally. What is the woman to believe? The words or the nonverbal signals?

A person assures you he trusts you, but his behavior toward you consistently denies his words. What are you to believe? The words or the behavior?

We know intuitively that words alone are not enough to establish the authenticity of a message. We know this because all of us know how easy it is to lie with words. Nonverbal expressions are thus considered more believable than words. If a verbal message conflicts with what is expressed nonverbally, we thus tend to believe the nonverbal message. We rely essentially on nonverbal cues to get our impressions of how honest other people are in the interpersonal relationships, rather than on what they tell us about themselves.

The people we trust are usually those people whose nonverbal behavior confirms and reinforces the content of their verbal communication. We know they speak their true feelings, and they do as well as they say.

Living Life with Positivity and Gratitude

Sometimes life sends us changes we’ve never contemplated, inconveniences that we’d rather not have to deal with. But people who enjoy mental and emotional balance are self-reliant and self-determined. They don’t blame their troubles or short comings on any person or circumstances… instead they always look on the brighter side of life. They value lemons for their awesome flavor and feel grateful that their glass is half full, never nearly empty.

Looking at life optimistically or positively can impact both mental and physical health.

Amidst all of the noise and confusion in the world, there is a place you can always go to find genuine support, encouragement, peace, and solace. This place is within you, where the voice will offer you positive alternatives and real guidance to help you discover a different and richer way of life.

Turn Your Thoughts Around. Thoughts become things, it becomes obvious that we should choose good thoughts. Being mindful of your thoughts is a wonderful way to bring a sense of balance to your life. Sometimes people are unaware of just how negative their thoughts are and they reinforce negativity with language.

If you can turn your thoughts around, you can make it so the great things are typical for you. Don’t expect worst: Don’t hedge your bets. Don’t worry about tempting fate. Allow yourself to believe that you can have and achieve things you’ve hope for.

Quote:

“Behind every circumstances is God’s purpose. At times, what we consider a trial is simply the hand of God rearranging our lives to be more fruitful.”

“When things aren’t working as you expected it to be, take it as God’s subtle way of teaching you to grow. The process may be difficult but it certainly bring the best out of you.”

“Walk with the Lord when your heart needs company. Take His hand when you feel alone. Turn to Him when you need someone to lean on. He’s the only one you can always rely on.”

“Step by step, the journey goes on. Little by little it may seem so long. The things we learn will keep us on. With faith in God He’ll keep us strong.”

“The seeds of greatness are in you, God never created you to be nobody but a real somebody. He values you so much and loves you more than you ever know. And you are a blessed person with an important role to play in life and God is watching over you with love and concern. Be the best you can be for God’s purpose.”

Reinforce With Gratitude. Focusing on gratitude can help us avoid attaching a needliness or desperation to those things we want. That needliness reinforces a feeling of lack and in which energy begets energy. Count your blessings and soon you will count more. This has to be a conscious decision for many of us as our negative thought patterns and words can be a matter of habit, ingrained over the years. In spare moments, many of us replay negative past experiences and project these feelings onto present and future scenarios. But you can break the pattern and change the habit. Practice makes perfect after all. Spend a few minutes every day allowing yourself to fully believe that you deserve to be happy and see very clearly in your mind’s eye the outcomes you most desire.

Gratitude can change everything. Take a moment… before you go to sleep and before you get out of bed in the morning, take a moment to offer silent thanks for being alive, for the earth, and for anything and anyone else that you can think of. Be full of gratitude for family and good / true friends, for the goodness you find in others, for your health and all you’re capable of. This will put you in a better frame of mind for dreaming or for starting your day.

Appreciate the little things, stop to enjoy a sunset or the smell of a flower. Look for the happiness and your life will be happy. Look around you and be thankful. Count your blessings. Instead of rushing here and there, take time to appreciate your surroundings.

Keep moving by your daily effort to stay grateful. Instead of worrying about the things you don’t have, look at what you do have and realize that you are blessed. Simply give thanks for all the things that you have.

Quote:

“A thankful person is thankful under all circumstances. A complaining soul complains even if he lives in paradise.” –Baha’u’llah

“Throughout history wise men and women have encouraged us to feel grateful for what we have. Why? Very simply because gratitude makes us feel good. When you’re feeling grateful, your mind is clear, and therefore you have access to your greatest wisdom and common sense.” –Richard Carlson, Ph. D

“Those who thank God even in trials, turn burdens into blessings. Make Him always the center of your life.”

“Don’t simply thank God for the many blessings you have received. Also thank Him for He has chosen you to be a special blessings to others.”

“All the good things happen in our lives are miracles that only the good LORD can give. With GOD’S mighty deeds and His light that shines to make a difference.”

… God I want to take a minute not to ask for anything from You but simply say Thank You for all I have.

How to be Hopeful in Spite of Obstacles

Hope is characterized by strength and an ability to overcome obstacles. It is believing in yourself and your dreams, no matter what challenges might stand in your way. And there are all kinds of challenges, both big and small. The thing is, they all create stress and stress can lead to feelings of hopelessness – especially if all you feel like you have are challenges and no obvious solutions.

But there is hope to be had, even when you’re feeling hopeless. Check out these helpful tips on how to be hopeful in spite of obstacles… try them out, and get yourself back on track to feeling hopeful.

*Take Care of Yourself

You are your number one priority. Even if you have a family, you can’t be your best for them if you’re not the best you for yourself. You need to focus on your wellness. If you’re not feeling good, it’s going to be hard to be positive about yourself, your life and your future. So make sure you are doing things that keep your mind, body and spirit healthy and happy. Eat well, get enough sleep, exercise and take time to relax. These are the basic rules of wellness.

Have you ever tried meditating? When you let your mind go quiet and block out all stress and negative self-talk, the peace you feel centers your spirit and allows you to focus on your goals and happiness. Positive visualization during meditation helps fuel your goals, offering your clearer insight into a more productive course of action.

*Focus on Appreciation

When you recognize the beauty around you, it makes you appreciate all that you already have that is good. No matter what you are going through, learn to appreciate the little things – from how great your breakfast was, to the smell of the seasons changing, it’s often the little things that make life great. And when you add up all the little things you’re grateful for, you’re feel more hopeful.

*Put a Cap on Negativity

Unfortunately negativity is all around us. We see it on the news and we often hear it in the words we say about ourselves and others. Put a stop to it or learn to focus on it less. You are the sum of your thoughts. You are made of energy, and you get to decide whether that energy is positive or negative. If you’re surrounded by negativity, you’re going to feel drained and discouraged.

*Create Realistic Goals

One of the greatest catalysts to hope is creating goals for yourself and achieving them. Start with a small goal so you can feel the satisfaction of achieving it. And when you do achieve it, sit with the feeling of success for a bit then set a new goal for yourself. This time, make it a little bigger. Everytime you accomplish goal, you’ll get more and more hopeful. You’ll build self-confidence and you’ll realize that your life’s goals are within reach.

*Better, Not Bitter

When it comes to life’s obstacles, you have two choices. You can let them knock you down or you can rise above them. Life is full of disappointments, pain, and loss. But you get to choose whether you want to be better about it all or not. You also get to choose how to react to these obstacles. If you’re jaded (tired, bored or lack of enthusiasm), you can’t invite hope into your life. So let go of the destructive feelings associated with loss and disappointment and instead, open yourself up to positivity and encourage yourself to rise above negativity.

Moreover, every obstacle is an opportunity. Use the obstacle as an opportunity to connect with your inner self. Today, see how many times you can take what would have been an uncomfortable reaction within you and transform it into a blessing for yourself. Set whatever negativity aside, and instead observe what you are feeling, and let those feelings free you. Eventually, in this way, you will discover the blessing or opportunity in what previously you allowed obstacle to harmony in your life. Remind yourself that your circumstances do not make you, they reveal you. You are here, right now, the result of all the previous pictures you have painted for yourself, and you can paint a new ones.

Last but not least, hope is a word that every hurting heart understands. Hope shines brighter than the darkest night. Faith is bigger than the highest mountain and God is greater than any obstacle in one’s path. As Romans 15:13 (KJV) once wrote: “Now the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, that ye may abound in hope, through the power of the Holy Ghost.

It’s when we can’t do anything that God does everything. Faith is simultaneously an exercise of our will and the importation of divine strength. And from that marvelous mixture spring joy and peace and an abundance of hope. As you trust Him, He’ll give you not only joy and peace, but also hope. And faith means being sure of the things we hope for and knowing that something is real even if we do not see it.As Hebrews 11:6 (KJV) says, “But without faith it is impossible to please him: for he that cometh to God must believe that he is, and that he is a rewarder of them that diligently seek him.”

Endurance produces character and character produces hope. With God, there are no accidents – every incident is intended to bring us closer to Him. The scriptures give us patience and encouragement so that we can have hope.

5 Things Happy People Do Differently

Is the secret to Being Happy simpler than you think?

We may not believe it but happiness is a conscious choice that we make and we all have the opportunity to choose to live happy lives. No one can be forced to be happy on a constant basis and material items only provide a fleeting sense of happiness. Happy people choose to be in the here and now and they believe they can feel happy everyday while unhappy people believe that they need to obtain certain material items or levels of achievement to be happy. For example, some unhappy people feel that they will only feel happy in their lives if they lose 20 pounds or win the lottery.

Why wait years from now to be happy when you can have all the happiness you have ever wanted right now? If you want to find out the difference between happy and unhappy people, here are five things happy people do differently:

1. They Make an Effort to Surround Themselves with Positivity

Happy people do not enjoy being around negative people that send out negative vibrations and who deflate their mood. Happy people make a conscious effort to engage with other happy people so they can have healthy and positive friendships and relationships. When happy people hang out with other happy people they rub off on each other.

2. Happy People are Not Jealous People

Happy people do not waste their days being jealous of other people. Happy people have no need to desire everything that someone else has. They are purely content with their own life and who they are. They don’t need to compare their lives to the lives of others because they love the life they live. These happy individuals believe that jealousy is purely a waste of time and energy.

3. Happy People Take Time for Themselves

Happy people know that taking sometime for themselves everyday is imperative for a happy life. Meditation is something that is practiced daily by many happy individuals as it know to reduce anxiety and stress in one’s life. Happy people make sure they put aside 10- to -20 minutes each day for personal time because they know how important it is for stress reduction and general well-being.

4. Happy People Don’t Sweat The Small Stuff

Happy people do not allow minor issues to trouble them to no end. They believe that they can overcome most obstacles that life presents and they do not put themselves through any unwanted stress over issues that can be solved. Small problems stay small and larger issues are manageable.

5. Forgiveness is a Fact of life

Happy people find it easy to forgive and move on. They realize the damage of holding onto anger and how it can effect general health and the quality of life. A happy person knows just how important it is to forgive others for their wrong doings.

Happy people do many things differently and they make sure that they do everything wholeheartedly and with great effort. They are those passionate people who usually have a big smile on their face and who you see living their lives to the fullest everyday

Additionally, the happiest people in the world are not those who have no problems, but those who learn to live with things that are less than perfect and the secret of being happy is accepting where you are in life and making the most of it. After all, happiness is an inside job and to be happy is a choice, so choose to be happy. Albert Schweitzer put it best, “Our inner happiness depends not on what we experience, but on the degree of our gratitude to God, whatever the experience.” Life is brief and every morning is a miracle…that we are given another chance to live in this world. Let us thank the Lord who lend us a life we just borrowed from Him. Smile and Be Happy!

Personality/Character Traits Worth Adopting

March 01, 2019

By nouveauauplaza

In life, we come across a difficult people, manipulative, negative and toxic one. As humans, we often focus on those who are negative or toxic leaving it difficult to appreciate those who are positive and healthy. Seeking out individuals with healthy, positive traits, however, may naturally help us to stay clear (or at least clearer) of those who are toxic, who zap our energy or who make us feel badly. Further, the more we can surround ourselves with those who are positive and healthy, the more we may model those positive behaviors.

If you really think about it, once in awhile you come across a person who knocks you off your socks… legitimately — maybe they have the best outlook on life, maybe they are really well-off but you would never know it, maybe they make you feel special. There is a good chance that many of these people possess some of that desirable traits, if not all of the traits mentioned below that seem to be the rarest to find in others.

No one is free of flaws and quirks. But there are twelve desirable traits in human beings and worth adopting that attract the right people and circumstances into one’s life. One could say that these are the character traits of highly successful people.

1. Integrity

The true definition of integrity comes from the Latin word integritas, which means “whole” or “intact”. It encumbers all the traits that make a truly “good” person, such as honesty, being incorruptible, straight and morally upright.

A person with integrity won’t lie, will keep their word and won’t screw you over. They won’t go behind your back, bad mouth you, cheat on you, and they adhere to a code of ethics that may make them predictable, but safe to the heart and one’s sanity. No unpleasant surprises come from someone with a high sense of integrity. They follow a code of ethics that tends to be, as the word suggests incorruptible, and they adhere to principles of common decency. C.S. Lewis once said, “Integrity is doing the right thing even if no one is watching.”

2. Selflessness

In a world where many people don’t have the time or the interest in others, selflessness is a quality that seems to be less and less common. People can be selfless in the time they give, the ability to listen, their level of patience and the love that they give. Those who are giving and generous in nature have the power to make others feel loved, appreciated and special. While those who are self-absorbed tend to do the exact opposite.

3. Genuineness

Having the ability to be real, authentic and honest is unique in a world where we put so much emphasis on the superficial. Feeling comfortable in one’s skin and being true to one’s self is one of the most beautiful traits one can possess. To have a REAL relationship with someone requires honesty… it requires hearing and giving input or feedback that may not always be popular… it means loving people for who they really are… deep down… and not for what they appear to be.

4. Sensitivity

So often we are focused on what is important to ourselves that we can forget about those around us. Those who are sensitive are often thoughtful, appreciative and loving, in a way that makes you feel understood, valued and respected. Often, sensitive people are also self-aware, making them mindful of how they impact others with what they do and say.

5. Humility

Whether someone is super-smart, extremely talented or drop-dead gorgeous, there is something extra special about them if they don’t come across as though they know it all the time. Humility in those that possess extraordinary traits make others feel special too.

Humility is not thinking less of ourselves but thinking of ourselves less. We can all afford to say less about ourselves and do more for others.

6. Kindness

Kindness protects you from all kinds of heart-aches. Kindness is like integrity. A person who possess kindness will usually keep your heart safe and your best interests in mind. Their willingness to help others also translates to someone who knows how to put another’s needs ahead of their own when needed. A kind person carries a light, and that light tends to attract other “good” people too.

7. Sense of Humor

Life has ups and downs. There will be good times, bad times, and easy times. Everything is easier if one keeps a sense of humor, or at least surrounds oneself with those who have one. As the old saying goes… laughter is the best medicine and an instant vacation as well.

8. Emotionally Open

No one wants to be with someone who is so closed off that they can’t show the most “normal” emotions. How would someone who has a hard times feeling, or showing feelings relate to you? There is a difference between someone who is so closed off that they just look at you blankly, or worse, scold you or put you down when you’re feeling sad or disappointed, and then there are those who break down as soon as someone looks at them the wrong way. Being able to share one’s heart doesn’t mean that one has to be a weakling or whiner. Someone who can’t feel is usually damaged goods, and lack of depth in emotional matters usually translate into lack of depth in other matters.

9. Self-confidence

A person without self-confidence / self-esteem spells disaster, because they will fail on numerous other “must-haves.” They are usually driven by self-preservation, and will do almost anything to overcome their feelings of inadequacy. This can make them distrusting and possibly even make them into stalkers. Which, in returns, almost always ensures dishonesty, a closed-heart / inability to truly feel and experience love and joy, a lack of integrity and definitely no courage. They’re usually a bucket with a huge hole in the bottom. No matter how much love and care one will pour into them, it will never be enough to make them feel safe, loved or good enough. After all, it’s impossible to love and care for someone who doesn’t love and care for themselves.

10. Generosity

One of the worst people to have in one’s life is a miser. Those who constantly complain about the money they don’t have, especially while spending it on things that doesn’t serve them, are not only annoying, but also no fun to have around. The opposite of generous is selfish, and who wants to be with a selfish person? Being miserly also tends to show individuals who are very preoccupied with material, like superficial things. Combine that with the constant complaint about not having enough, and you’ll get a good picture of how life with someone who can’t be generous looks like.

11. Courageousness

Let’s face it. Who wants to be with a coward? Someone who can’t and won’t stand up for their own beliefs will definitely not stand up for you or anyone else. No courage usually also means no principles, which will make you expendable for the simple reason that a coward will only do the least effort required and will tug tail and run when true work is required.

12. Self-awareness

Self-awareness is the fine middle ground of truly knowing your strengths and weaknesses without being either completely weak and self-loathing. Self-awareness allows us to know when we are way off our rocker. It allows us to see when we are wrong / screwed up and need to possibly adjust or change certain behaviors and patterns. Self-awareness allows us to look in the mirror and see who we really are; not who we think we are or hoped we were. People without self-awareness cannot grow, because they will never learn from past mistakes. They are literally blind, stumbling after what looks and sounds the most appealing. Without self-awareness there is no truth, just illusion; and a perpetual cycle of trying to find what they think will make them happy. If you don’t know who you are, you won’t know what makes you happy. The key to finding one’s own happiness is to be the things that you require and wish for in another.

“Character is like a tree and reputation like a shadow. The shadow is what we think of it; the tree is the real thing.”

-Abraham Lincoln

Whatever is true,

whatever is noble,

whatever is right,

whatever is pure,

whatever is lovely,

whatever is admirable,

if anything is excellent

or praiseworthy,

think about

such things.

Philippians 4:8

Keep the good going!

Is Love Primal?

February 19, 2019

By nouveauauplaza

Life experiences are very much the same for everyone. After you listen to the same questions over and over again, you begin to recognize the common thread that runs through all of us and how alike we are really at the core.

Whether you are rich and famous, financially stable or secure, struggling with money, no matter what country you are in or from, we all want to love and be loved and find some sort of peace in life. All humans have a need for connectedness and love. Men and women call and obsess about love and romance – and no one is ever too old to want it.

Why love is so important to us. Thought were summed up best in the movie “Practical Magic” when Sandra Bullocks character talks about finding the right person and says, “I just want to be seen… It’s not that she wants someone to see her great hair or face, she wants someone to see her very SOUL and to validate and cherish her energy. That is what we all really want, someone to see us and when they do, still loves us and cherish us anyway.

What is like to love someone…

To love someone is to realize that the other person is not perfect. It is being able to see their bad parts, but put emphasis on the parts you love and gladly accept them for the individual they are.

To love someone is to lay a strong base for your feelings, but leave room for some fluctuation, because to feel exactly the same way all the time would leave no room for growth, experience, and learning.

To love someone is to be strong at accepting new ideas and facts. It is knowing that a person will not stay the same, but also that change happens gradually.

To love someone is the greatest gifts shared between two people are trust and understanding, which come from love. Love is giving one hundred and ten percent of yourself and only wanting something as simple as a smile in return.

To love someone is to be able to see not only with your eyes but with your heart. It is to develop insight into your feelings and the other person’s feelings, and to have a good understanding of your relationship.

To love someone is to give of yourself totally, saying, “Here I am, and all that I am loves you very much.” It is not twisting and turning and changing yourself to gain approval, but it is improving yourself so that your good points catch the other’s attention and overshadow your faults.

Love is the greatest life’s gift.