Are You Happy Enough?


Some days, life is a bowl of cherries. Other days, life is a buffet of negative and positive possibilities. Everything happens according to the law. In every cause there is an effect. In every effect there is a cause. Everything has its opposite. Up and down, moving in and out, swinging back and forth. And there’s happiness and sadness.

Are you happy enough? I believe you are! Happiness cannot be traveled to, owned , earned, worn or consumed. Happiness is the spiritual experience of living every minute with love, grace, and gratitude.

Put your feet on the ground and realize that you’ve been given a gift, another chance to live your life and do your best. See each day as a new beginning – leading to the happiest ending of all.

Awaken today and every day with the gift of love, the grace of a grateful heart, and the capacity to look toward the brighter side of things. Rise each morning filled with an enthusiastic purpose that gives you joy, for joy will give you wings.

A grateful heart is indeed a happy one. When it comes to gratitude. The Universe loves gratitude. So make a commitment to give thanks each day. Every day – look for things to be grateful for and you will truly feel happy.

Make “thank you” your catchphrase. As you walk from one place to another, say “thank you”, and make your last thought at night be one of giving thanks for the day. Be grateful under all circumstances, no matter what is happening around you. Saturating yourself with gratitude will change your life beyond your comprehension. When you radiate and live gratitude, you press the ON switch to the Universe and it will deliver all the good to you, matching the intensity of your gratitude.

However, you are an emotional being in a human existence and you are experiencing a wide range of feelings on a daily basis. When you feel happy from within then it can help you to prosper your all areas of your life. In fact, happiness is a positive emotion or positive energy which radiates positive vibes to attract more positive circumstances, prosperity and positive people into your life.

Life is consists of personal, professional, relationship, health, and spiritual life which demands positive energy to prosper.

Sometimes you have to experience some stormy times, hurt and life may knocks you down unexpectedly but you have to water yourself with the feeling of happiness to demagnetize all those negative energies. You have to radiate positive vibes of happiness to master over your pain, crisis, and stormy times as per the law of attraction.

Happiness is not a matter of chance or coincidence rather it is a matter of your own personal choice in the highway of your life. If you send the positive vibes of happiness, love and respect despite of sadness, frustration, and disrespect then you can attract more happiness, love, and respect in return as per the law of attraction.

The feeling of happiness helps to attract more positive thoughts, creative ideas, confidence, and generous attitude which are essential ingredients for living positive life.

Life may not always shower you with prosperity and positive circumstances but you have to pretend and act to be happy even in darkest times to attract happiness in your life. As valid truth says “fake it till you manifest it believing that you can manifest it into your physical experience”. The feeling of happiness is like a positive shield which can protects you from all the negativity in your day to day life.

Moreover, I believe you have heard the phrase “This Too Shall Pass”. As for me, I’ve heard it many times and even more frequently these days specifically across social media.

Several years ago, back then, I learned that this golden saying come into view or sight in the works of Persian poets and in Jewish folklore from King Solomon.

This Too Shall Pass phrase originates from a fable of a powerful King who asked wise men to create a ring that will make him HAPPY when he is sad, and vice versa. After deliberation the sages (a profoundly wise person) handed him a simple ring with the words “This Too Shall Pass” etched on it, which has the desired effect.

When you are on top of the world it is but a fleeting moment – things change. Remember, this too shall pass. On the other hand, when you are at your lowest or in the saddest moments, remember also, all nights are followed by day – this too shall pass.

So when we are in the valley, let us encourage ourselves to be hopeful and when we are at the peak, let us remind ourselves to be humble.

Last but not least, ask yourself what would make you happy? As soon as you have an answer, make some time to do it. Give yourself time every day to do something you enjoy. It’s your life. Spend a portion of every day doing something you’d like to do, something just for you. It doesn’t matter what it is – as long as it makes your heart smile and makes your soul happy as well. No matter how busy your day may be, never give yourself less. Find the things that most matter to you – something that provide your deepest satisfaction.

* happy

adjective

1. feeling or showing pleasure or contentment

2. fortunate and convenient

-From Oxford

* Happiness

The term happiness is used in the context of mental or emotional states, including positive or pleasant emotions ranging from contentment to intense joy. It is also used in the context of life satisfaction, subjective well-being, eudaimonia flourishing and well-being.-Wikipedia

Focus On Yourself, Not Others

A new year always seems to be a time of contemplation and analysis. Where are you now? Where are you going? Where would you like to be?

Remember: Your eyes are placed in the front of your head because you are engineered to move forward. This is not a time to look back at past events that brought you pain and hurts or a time to regret some things that have caused you feeling disappoints and frustrates. This is the moment to continue working for your better self (being better than you used to be) and to seize your infinite potential and possibilities.

According to Webster‘s NewWorld Dictionary, contemplation means 1. thoughtful inspection, study etc. 2. religious or mystical meditation 3. expectation or intention. While analysis means 1. a separating or breaking up of any whole into parts, esp. with examination, interralationship, etc. 2. a statement of the results of this process.

Working for the better self isn’t instant, it is a process. If you want to grow and become the best person you can be, you’ve got to be intentional about it… nobody improves by accident.

As they say, like a fine wine, we improve with age and so does wisdom come with age as well. I think it’s not true, sometimes age comes alone.

Growth is a choice, a decision that can really make a difference in a person’s life. The only way to improve the quality of your life is to improve yourself. There is no sure way to make other people in your environment improve, the only thing you truly have the ability to improve is yourself. And the only way you will grow is if you choose to grow.

In addition, be kind and understanding of yourself. Be especially kind to yourself if you behave in a way that you dislike. Talk kindly to yourself and be patient with yourself. Forgive yourself, and then when you do not act as you want to, use your actions as a reminder of where you are and where you are not. The more you extend kindness to yourself, the more it will become your automatic response to others.

In order to make positive changes, you, the same thing with me, have to face yourself head on. You have to understand how you elevate and intensify negative situations. The expression of yourself you need to display depends on you. It can be love, kindness, patience etc. Whatever expression of yourself you display with makes you really feel good inside.

Shifting perception works well. If you change your thoughts, actions and words in a positive way, you bring about an incredible shift in your perception of how your life plays out on a day-to-day basis.

Work each day to clear yourself of the two factors that do the most to inhibit our personal transformation: negativity and judgment. The more negative your thoughts, the more likely you are to look exclusively at the physical side of you, and to behave in such a way as to destroy your body as well. It keeps you clogged up just as cholesterol clogs up in artery. Every negative thought is an inhibitor to personal transformation.

Moreover, meditation is a powerful tool, and it is as simple as breathing. Allow yourself time to meditate. You should choose your own style of meditation. Try it. Use your own method. But give yourself the time and quiet space to be alone with the invisible you. Miracles are waiting for you in that spectacular space. Go there, it is truly exquisite.

Take a moment with your eyes closed. Imagine what you can create in your life. You can imagine yourself doing anything. You can have a perfect relationship with your parents and siblings in pure thought. You can be anything, go anywhere, experience all that you want in this dimension of thought. There are no limits to your ability to think.

As St. Paul suggests in Romans 12:2

And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God. [KJV]

This is the place of transformation. This is the place where you can not only live a miracle, but create miracle as well. We can make higher levels of living a regular part of our daily regimen by believing you are a soul with a body rather than a body with a soul. We will begin to see miracles occuring simply because we believe in them and expect them to materialize for us. In fact, you will become a miracle worker yourself.

May you walk only in the light. May you find everlasting sense of love in your life. May the year brings you peace, health, comfort, joy, abundance, prosperity, fulfillment and happiness.

10 Healthy Habits that Lead to Happiness

Everyday is made up of an infinite amount of choices. Choose to be happy and be the best version of yourself. Happiness is not something ready made. It comes from your own actions. Remember that no one person in life can make you happy. True happiness comes from within.

No one is born happy though, but all of us born with the ability to create happiness. Here are ten-step-guide of a healthy habits that lead to happiness in one’s life.

1) Pray

A good way to both start and end the day. Prayer helps develop an outlook founded on gratitude for and appreciation of what one has. Prayer comes in different forms for different people . What is important is to spend time searching your soul and listening to the voice that guides you and answers your questions about life and its purpose.

2) Take time to be silent, to meditate, to quiet the internal dialogue

In moments of silence, realize that you are reconnecting to your source of pure awareness. Pay attention to your inner life so that you can be guided by intuition rather than externally imposed interpretations of what is or isn’t good for you.

3) Greet each day with optimism

Lift your head high to all that is right in your world, and expect even better things to come. Focus on what makes you happy, cultivate your strengths and work on your weaknesses. Surround yourself with people you value and be sure to treat them well. Practice gratitude and strive to learn when you do mistakes. But whenever you are having a difficult time, ease that burden by setting aside any lingering negative perspectives. Instead, clear your mind, awaken to the immense beauty all around you and count your blessings. Make an effort to be thankful for what you have and who you are each day. You may do this even if you want more. Stay positive that the things you’re waiting and hoping for tend to arrive at the most unexpected moments.

4) Live in the present for it is the only moment you have

Keep your attention on what is here and now; look for the fullness in every moment. Accept what comes to you totally and learn from it, and then let it go. The present is as it is because the universe is as it is. Don’t struggle against the infinite scheme of things. Instead, be at one with it.

5) Find humor in any situations

Stay away from negative people. Surround yourself with positive friends and family instead. Be with the people who can be your support system and can even make you laugh. Read or watch something funny… Have a good laugh. So why does laughing so good? For many years, both psychological and physiological. The most obvious is that laughing improves our mood. Laughing can help keep away negative emotions, depression and anxiety. Laughter is also stress – relieving. When we laugh, endorphins, the body’s natural pain killers are released. Studies have shown that laughing can cause blood vessels to expand, increase blood flow and reduce blood pressure. More oxygen is sent to cells, which can speed healing and improve all kinds of body functions. All of this clearly warrants that laughing be taken seriously (but not too seriously) as part of a healthy lifestyle.

6) Replace fear – motivated behavior with loved – motivated behavior

Fear is the product of memory which dwells in the past. Remembering what hurts us before, we direct our energies toward making certain that an old hurt will not repeat itself. But trying to impose the past on the present will never wipe out the threat of being hurt. That happens only when you find the security of your own being, which is love. Motivated by the truth inside you, you can face any threat because your inner strength is invulnerable to fear.

7) Listen to your body’s wisdom which expresses itself through signals of comfort and discomfort

When choosing a certain behavior, ask your body, “how do you feel about this?” If your body sends a signal of physical or emotional distress – watch out. If your body sends a signal of comfort and eagerness – proceed.

8) Relinquish your need for external approval

You alone are the judge of your worth; and your goal is to discover infinite worth in yourself, no matter what anyone else thinks. There is great freedom in this realization. On the other hand, everything is (being) valued by people differently. Don’t put yourself in a wrong place – who do not value you. Because people who can see your true value knows your worth and will appreciate you. Know your worth.

9) Don’t contaminate your body with toxins, either food, drink, or toxic emotions

Our body is more than a life – support system. It is the vehicle that will carry us on the journey of our evolution. The health of every cell directly contributes to your state of well – being, because every cell is a point of awareness within the field of awareness that is you.

10) Shed the burden of judgment and you will feel much lighter

Judgment imposes right and wrong or situations that just are. Everything can be understood and forgiven, but when you judge, you cut off understanding and shut down the process of learning to love. In judging others, you reflect your lack of self-acceptance. We should remember that every person we forgive adds to our self – love. When we love ourselves, we refuse to allow others to manage our emotions from afar. Forgiveness is our means to that end. When we choose this option, it eventually becomes an automatic reaction toward those who treat us contemptuously, and then, of course, forgiveness is no longer required. Forgiveness is an act of self – love, rather than some altruistic saintly behavior. It gives us control over our inner life and thoughts.

Happiness isn’t something you can just find – it is more of a state of being you create.

Whatever the season of life, to be happy still your choice. Happiness is a choice after all, so choose to be happy.

Is Life Perfect?

“This life is the only one I’m given. I will live it well. I will do all I can to make the most of each day, each minute, and each moment. I will do the things I’ve always dreamed of doing and be the things I’ve always wished to be. Instead of sitting and waiting for the good things to come, I will stand up and create them.”

Most of us would agree that life has its ups and downs. Wise King Solomon believed this and reflected on our responses to fluctuating circumstances. In Ecclesiastes, he wrote: “To everything there is a season, a time for every purpose under heaven… a time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance” [3:1-4].

It’s hard for us to accept the fact that our priorities are not the same as God is. We attach too much importance to things like wealth and success. To Him challenges that often seem most important to us at the time are really not very significant. But God trusts us to make the best use we have and to make our lives meaningful and beneficial to others no matter where we are. Whatever season you are in right now or at the moment of your life each season should motivate us to seek the LORD and trust Him for He will help us to turn to Him not only in sadness but also in joy. And if we draw nigh to Him… He will also draw nigh to us and helped us through the good times and the bad because God loved us.

Every season needs faith to get us through it. No matter how sad you may feel at times, be confident that hope will awaken with you. Faith reach out to you; take hold of them, and you will find that you will be able to smile again and truly be happy once more. How we deal with life is really a matter of personal choice, so choose to be happy. Above all, trust in God’s handcrafted plan that He has made just for you. Let Him love you through life’s joyous and painful aspects; if you do you will find inner peace and joy. As the passage of Scripture in Matthew 11:28 writes, “Come to ME, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.”

According to Webster’s New World Dictionary. The defintion of Perfection means 1. the act or process of perfecting 2. the quality  or condition of being perfect; extreme degree of excellence according to a given standard 3. a person or thing that is the perfect embodiment of some quality — to perfection completely; perfectly.

Perfection is just an idea, a theory. It represents flawlessness and completion. It is simply a perception. One person’s concept of what is perfect can be vastly different from what another person perceives to be perfect. Our eyes, may see the details, but it is our hearts and minds that ultimately decide what perfection means.

If you ask a happy person, why they are always happy, their answer may surprise you. More often than not, the gist of their glee stems not from anything measurable or material, but from a simple appreciation of life itself. You can spend your energy struggling over all the things that aren’t right in your life, or you can infuse your energy by understanding that you may not have everything you want, just the way you want it, but you probably have more than what you need.

Perhaps life feels so much less than perfect that we find it hard to bear. But even in the darkest hours blessings are abound… there is perfection in everyone’s life. Life is beautiful in its fragility, transcience and importance. So, let’s live life to the fullest. Laugh, love and be grateful. Life is wonderful… Let’s enjoy its wonders and perfection. If you understand what really matters — you will find its life’s beauty and perfection.

Your life is perfect. It is only when we take the time to look over our lives that we can truly see how some things came to be by perfection — reflection. Through reflection, most of us will find that we have a lot to be thankful for, and begin to understand how perfect our life really is. And we can try looking in these places…

*You. You should always be number 1 on your list, the mere fact that you have lived well this long is a testament to your own personal perfection. You are already whole, already complete. You are not going to get it all, you are it all already. Give this some serious personal consideration. If you are not enjoying your life right now, with what you have accumulated, with your current state of health, and in your present job and relationships, you will not appreciate and enjoy new or different life conditions. Our ability to enjoy life comes from how we choose to process life, rather than from externals. Nothing outside of ourselves has the power to bestow happiness or fulfillment on us. What determines the quality of our life is our choice to be fulfilled or not, based upon how we think, how we view ourselves and our place in the universe. Consequently, if you are a person who needs more in order to feel complete, then you will still feel incomplete when you have acquired more.

You may have that feeling of being not perfect but you are perfectly you. You have a great gift and that gift is yourself. Feel really good about who you are and all the things you do and the things you have. Appreciate your uniqueness. Realize what a beautiful soul you have. Understand the wonder within.

*Your Health. Give thanks for everything that you are and everything that you have. That’s right — give thanks, but not in some meaningless charade. Truly appreciate the miracle that you are. The fact that you are alive. That you have eyes, ears, feet, and that you are here right now in this marvelous dream. Make an effort to begin focusing on what you have, rather than on what you are missing. When you begin to focus on being thankful for all that you have — the water you drink, the sun that warms you, the air you breathe; and everything that is a gift from God — you will be using your thoughts/your entire essence to dwell on abundance of this perfect univesrse and your humanity.

However you may not be in perfect conditon by scientific standards, but if you are getting through the days, you are doing something right — and creating the opportunity for improvement. Whatever you do with it in a positive way will help it to expand. You will expnd what you focus on.  If   you focus  on how great you feel, you will expand wellness. How perfect is that?

*Your Friends and Family. If you are a type of person who prefer with just a small circle then keep it that way… You don’t need a large number or plenty of people in your life to look your environment more merrier, what matter is the strength of your bond with the people close to you . After all, it’s not about quantity — it’s about the importance of quality.

A few trusted – good friends and family are most important. During your most difficult moments and exciting triumphs, they stand beside you. Keep them with you always. They will make life’s journey much more rich and rewarding, not to mention fun. Also, the most memorable times are those spent with loved ones and good friends. The warmest moments in life are those where you feel valued and can celebrate in the joy of sharing a connection with someone else. Nothing can compare to that. It is what enhances each one of our journey.

*Your Life. Marvel at how a world of such chaos can keep evolving. The flow of the changing seasons, the warmth of the sun, the chill of the wind. Human and nature always seem to be at odds, and yet somehow we continues to evolve and survive. While the coexistence may not be everyone’s ideal, it doesn’t make it any less perfect.

But then, it is the way you look at your life that makes the difference. Your life is a matter of perception; you can search for sunshine behind clouds or look for rain hiding in blue skies. And you can create a life of joy. Feel love from the people around you. Feel the sun on your face and the wind through your hair. Live for each moment, and enjoy every gift life has to offer.

Is life perfect? Your life is perfect? Our perfectly imperfect life is perfect… As Vladimir Horowitz once said: “Perfection itself is in imperfection.”

He fills my life with good things. ~Psalm 39:7

With God all things are possible. ~Matthew 19:26

Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or discouraged. For the Lord your God is with you wherever you go. ~Joshua 1:9

God will provide. ~Philippians 4:19

For I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you. Plans to give you hope and a future. ~Jeremiah 29:11

He makes everything beautiful in its time ~ECCLESIASTES 3:11

Creating Happiness For Ourselves

We all have things we wish we could change about our lives. We all have times when we feel frustrated with what we’ve been given — moments when we find ourselves wishing for more. It’s easy to sit back and wait for your life to change, relying on chance to bring good things your way but things you’re wishing and hoping for in which you think it will make you happy doesn’t come true by themselves and will not just appear. There comes a time when you have to recognize that happiness is not something that just happen to you, it’s up to you to create it. Live each moment. Never forget that the story of your life is written by the things you do every day. And remember that the little things mean so much. Let us fill our life with happiness by filling everyday with a little bit of joy.

Happiness comes from within. If you are constantly chasing external happiness from another person, a new car, job, house, and etc. you will never find it. It comes from a place deep in our hearts. When we realize that we can choose to be happy no matter what, then happiness can grow. But of course, if it were that easy we’d all be happy.

What makes finding happiness difficult is that there isn’t a concrete definition of exactly what happiness is. It can be something different for everyone on the planet. It’s an indefinable experience we all crave. When we do find our personal source of happiness, a sense of intuitive balance comes with it (Intuitive Balance means simultaneously stimulates important aspects of the brain that regulate mood, attitude, hormones, and general well being). We love ourselves and feel an inner peace. We are resilient. Happiness can be a breeze.

The thing we all need to remember, is that happiness begins with being thankful. Be thankful in every morning you wake up, a brand new day of your adventure in LIFE. God knows how to make your day right. Look up and say, “God be my guide.” Happiness is a decision, not something that someone else or events in the world set into motion for you. You set the tone to be happy. Create a positive intent every day and more happiness will come your way.

Make a list of all good things about you, your strengths, positive traits, skills, all the good you have done and can do. Build your list to nurture all you are proud and grateful for — each and every day. This is your happiness: measure it, contain it and make it grow.

If you can’t find your happiness, consider that perhaps you are being too hard on yourself. Many of us living with outdated and rigid expectations of ourselves, an impossible list of shoulds that others (or our younger selves) may have listed as goals for us. And even though we are now adults, and can make our own choices, those old ourselves may be impacting our happiness. The answer is to work on getting rid of these ideas of perfection that hold back happiness..

Take control of your personal power and reset your focus on simple things first. Love the day, the sun rise, the clouds, the air, the water, the trees, the plants and flowers…. It can sound rather simplistic, but it works. Happiness is easier to come by with courage, optimism, and by simply looking at the brighter side of life.

Once we understand how to create happiness for ourselves, we can proceed to sharing that inner light through acts of kindness with the world. When we proceed from wanting selfish happiness to sharing happiness, we are truly on the road to lasting happiness.

In addition, we need to remind ourselves too, that happiness depends on happenings but joy depends on God. So when you find yourself restless and thirsting for something more in life, respond to Jesus invitation, “Come to ME and drink” (John 7:37). Go to Him, drink freely of His grace and forgiveness, and experience true joy.

Whether we realize it or not, our souls are thirsting for God. Every desire, every aspiration, every longing of our nature is nothing less than a yearning for God. We were born for His love and we cannot live without it. He is the happiness for which we have been searching all our lives. Everything that we desire is found in Him — and infinitely more.

Life will only come once, so make the most out of it. God didn’t give us all things to enjoy life, but life to enjoy all things.” Be Happy. You are loved.

Why Self-Esteem Matter

Self-esteem can be defined as your attitude toward yourself. It is a combination of self-confidence and self-respect according to Nathaniel Branden, author of How to Raise Your Self-Esteem. Your self-esteem affects your decisions and behavior.

People with low self-esteem place more value on other people’s opinions than on their own judgement. If you are afraid that others will laugh at you or reject you if you let them see the real you, then you are living with the belief that other people know better what is good for you than you do. In reality, only you know what’s best for you. When you step being afraid of abandonment and stop seeking other people’s approval, it will get easier for you to trust your own opinions and intuition.

How To Raise Your Self-Esteem – Whenever you hear yourself thinking negative thoughts about yourself, such as I’m not good enough, stop and ask yourself where that thought oringinated. You might discover an old wound that needs healing or you might realize that it’s just habit thinking, not the truth. Pull such thoughts from your inner dialog the way you would pull weeds from a garden. Nurture only positive thoughts that heal your lack of self-esteem.

Self-Acceptance And Self-Esteem – In the process of developing a self-image, we develop feelings about who we think we are and tend to look for information of these feelings from other people. That confirmation, when we get it, makes us feel that we are entitled to have our image of ourselves.

Who we think we are is confirmed or denied by the responses others make to our communication with them. Unless we get clear and supportive messages, we are not likely to have effective communication experiences. Early in our lives we learn how to give each other many different kinds of responses, and we should recognize that what we do to each other has an effect on our feelings of worth, our self-esteem, and also on how well we can get the job done, because without some internal support for our activities, the outside work we do will not get done.

Self-esteem is that feeling which we get when what we do matches our self-image and when that particular image approximates an idealized version of what we wish we were like.

For example, you might see yourself as an “outdoor type” (self-image). You may imagine yourself as a successful forestry engineer (idealized self-image). You may go and register in a forestry school (action). That action matches your self-image and your idealized self-image. If you are accepted in the school and subsequently earn high grades, you are confirmed by others (peers and professors), and this confirmation will validate your feelings of self-worth and your self-esteem.

Maintenance of self-esteem is complex. Many times our attempts at maintaining positive feelings about ourselves are successful. Yet some of our attempts are sometimes self-defeating.

We sometimes try to hide parts of ourselves from others, fearing that if they knew these parts of ourselves, they might reject us. In his excellent book Why Am I Afraid to Tell You Who I Am? John Powell relates a poignant and real answer to the question: “I am afraid to tell you who I am because if I tell you who I am, you may not like who I am, and it’s all I have.”

We hide parts of ourselves, for example, when we cover up feelings. We store up anger or frustration and keep a cool facade. Half the time we don’t really deceive others because our nonverbal behavior give us away. But when we succeed in hiding, we tend to “gunnysack,” that is, to collect angry feelings inside us (generally in the stomach-a sure way to get ulcers) until the time when a trivial incident will “make us” explode-the straw that breaks the camel’s back.

Sometimes we try to put on certain masks to appear something we are not. We give off false cues to the people around us and erect walls of intended impressions. The more we pretend to be what we are not, the more we tend to lose touch with the real world and our own reality. What others think of you is none of your business. Your only obligation for yourself in any lifetime is to be true to yourself. As the ancient philosopher Aristotle once said: “Care more for the truth than for what people think.”

Trust

Trust is the basis for all successful relationships, for that matter. You cannot buy trust, but it’s free. Trust is priceless yet can be earned over time.

Have you ever tried to request someone’s trust? Maybe it was a colleague, customer, friend, or a relative. You may have wanted a decision to be made in your favor.

To overcome some initial disagreement and expedite the decision making process, you might resort to “Just trust me!” That statement is worthless. Either the other party already trusted you based on your past actions or they did not trust you and your request won’t change that. Trust is not spoken, it is demonstrated. Trust cannot be requested, it must be earned.

Trusting Others – Whereas a “defensive climate” seriously impairs the effectiveness of interpersonal communication and generally affects how satisfying a relationship may be, a “trusting climate” has opposite effects. Some degree of trust is an essential ingredient for satisfying relationships to grow and develop.

*defensive climate

The behaviors in defensive climates creates an environment where communication is threatening. Behaviors in supportive climates create spaces where trust can develop. In a defensive climate, gestures intended to be calming and productive are likely to be perceived as strategic and superior.

*trusting climate

Here are some key strategies and tactics for creating a climate of trust. Be the first to trust. When you are willing to trust, people are more open to the idea … Communication is critical in building relationships, based on trust.

What is Trust? A word we all use, trust should be easy to define. We should have a clear idea of what we mean. Yet try for a moment to define what you have in mind when you use the word. It is difficult, isn’t it? What does it feel like to trust and be trusted? When do you behave in a trusting way? How can you tell whether someone is trustworthy? What does one do when one is trustworthy?

All these questions are hard to answer. One of the first researchers to study trust phenomena empirically. Morton Deutsch developed a definition of trust which included these elements: reliance on the communication behavior of another person to achieve a desired but uncertain objective in a risky situation. The following summary come’s from Kim Giffin’s digest of Deutsch’s description of what happens when you trust someone.

1. You predict, expect, or rely on a particular behavior in that person.

2. You take a risk. The expected behavior can lead to positive or to unpleasant consequences for you, and whether the consequences are positive or harmful is uncertain and depends on the other person.

3. You expect to suffer more if the consequences are harmful than you will gain if they are pleasant.

4. You feel reasonably confident that the person’s behavior will result in positive consequences for you.

So if you trust someone, you predict how this person will behave, you are reasonably sure his or her behavior will help and not hurt you, and you stand to lose more if you predict wrong than you would gain if you guess right.

Still another way to define trust in interpersonal relationships is to say that when we trust someone, we believe that person is really the way he or she appears to be.

Developing Trust – Developing trust is a two-fold problem. It involves (1) trusting others and (2) being trusted by others. Having one-side trust is like trying to clap one hand. Both sides are needed in a trust relationship to develop a trusting climate. Development of trust in an interpersonal relationship is facilitated when several elements are present.

One thing needed is our belief in how much the person knows about the topic being discussed, the kind of information held, the ability to make decisions about data, validity of judgment about seeking out new data, reliability to report data accurately and honestly, and the degree to which the person is involved, active, dynamic, or excited about the information known.

Another thing needed is a clear set of behaviors from which to judge. We should not only trust each other if we behave toward each other in a nondefensive, nonevaluative, open, warm, genuine, supportive way, we also must give each other clear signals about what we are doing. We tend to trust those people whose actions can be seen clearly and unambiguously and who behave toward us in a way which poses no threat to our own self-esteem.

In addition, trust is based on a history of our interactions with others and our ability to detect trustworthy behaviors. It is a complicated process of checking present behaviors with our past experiences with similar behaviors. In such checking we tend to rely on nonverbal systems (Gestures, Facial Expressions and Body Movements) more than on verbal systems if there is a conflict. In other words, when the words don’t match the deeds, we tend to put more trust in the deeds. We put more faith in what we see people do to us than we do in what they tell us about themselves and what they are doing.

Morton Deutsch’s classic studies on competition and cooperation made clear to us that many interpersonal situations–such as buyer-seller, husband-wife, driver-pedestrian–cannot survive as rational behavior unless mutual trust exists.

Finally, here’s the nonverbal communication – the sounds of silence (nonverbal systems) as mentioned earlier in which I just have to put a couple of it… Gestures, Facial expressions and body movements.

Gestures – offer another variety of expressions we can use on one another. Gestures were probably one of the first means of communicating human beings developed, long before oral language appeared. All cultures have a system of meaningful gestures which either accompany spoken language or stand alone in conveying a particular message. We nod our heads to say “yes” and shake our heads sideways to say “no.” We extend our hand to shake someone else’s as a greeting and not as a hostile gestures.

Gestures such as tapping our fingers or our foot can communicate impatience, boredom, or nervousness. Our face has innumerable ways of expressing likes and dislikes, approval and disapproval.

We usually accompany our speech with considerable number of hand gestures. If you’ve ever tried to give directions to someone over the telephone, you probably have caught yourself uselessly waving a hand in the air. Some cultures are known to be more expressive with the hands than others. Sometimes certain gestures become automatic. Gestures are often used to give emphasis to our words. Sometimes, if a person’s timing is bad, when the emphasis occurs on the wrong word, we get the impression that he/she may not be sincere.

Facial Expressions and Body Movements – are also part of the communication we exchange with others. We are seldom immobile or expressionless. Our face moves and our body moves, and these movements communicate a great deal about our feelings, emotions, reactions, etc. Some of the time these movements are conscious and intentional, as when we deliberately smile at a friend, frown to express dissatisfaction, or raise an eyebrow to show surprise. Much of the time, however, these movements are so much a part of us they appear unintentional and unconscious. When we attempt to hide a feeling, we often give ourselves away without realizing it, the way we move forward or away from a person, the way we sit–tense, relaxed, on the edge of the chair, slouched, etc. We tend to lean forward when we feel involved and interested, and to lean back when we are not. The way we walk often indicates to others if we feel good, happy, cheerful or sad, gloomy, tired, or dejected. We indicate our perception of status by our postures. We tend to relax around people of equal or lower status and tense up around people whom we perceive as having higher status. We sometimes feel that someone is disrespectful simply because he talks in a more relaxed manner than we think is appropriate.

How we look at a person communicates a great deal. Whether our looks stay on a person too long or too little will also communicate something. In this regard we have unconsciously developed a whole system of the rules that we apply to our interpersonal communication. One of the rules says that when we talk to someone we must look at them, and they must look at us, preferably in the eyes or in the face. We usually feel uncomfortable when our listeners look everywhere in the room but at us. Someone who look out the window, at the ceiling, or concentrate on what is happening in the back room irritate lecturers because he/she violate the rule. We do not like, or trust, people who speak to us without looking at us. Shifty eyes appear to mean insincerity.

Reliability of Nonverbal Messages

Nonverbal messages are usually more reliable than verbal messages. In some interpersonal situations, the content of a message does not fit the affective information about that message. The man says, “I love you,” but somehow his tone of voice and other nonverbal signals he sends deny the very words he just spoke. He says one thing at the content level, but the opposite thing gets communicated nonverbally. What is the woman to believe? The words or the nonverbal signals?

A person assures you he trusts you, but his behavior toward you consistently denies his words. What are you to believe? The words or the behavior?

We know intuitively that words alone are not enough to establish the authenticity of a message. We know this because all of us know how easy it is to lie with words. Nonverbal expressions are thus considered more believable than words. If a verbal message conflicts with what is expressed nonverbally, we thus tend to believe the nonverbal message. We rely essentially on nonverbal cues to get our impressions of how honest other people are in the interpersonal relationships, rather than on what they tell us about themselves.

The people we trust are usually those people whose nonverbal behavior confirms and reinforces the content of their verbal communication. We know they speak their true feelings, and they do as well as they say.